So, I’ve been going to the gym steadily now for about three weeks. I’ll be honest, I was pretty nervous at the start (people will see me!) but a couple of nights ago I had a revelation. Suddenly, I understand it all, why people obsess about exercise – I awoke my inner tiger.
He’d been asleep for around 28 years (possibly caused by an excess of cheese and artificially sweet drinks) but now he’s up; he's up and he’s angry. “Nervousness!” he roars condescendingly. “That’s just weakness.” He’s full of many such pearls of wisdom.
I now find myself struggling to walk down the street or sit in my office surrounded, as I am, by the ‘norms’. “Get out of the tiger’s way!” The beast cries. “Can’t you see you’re all just sheep? What’re you doing in the tiger’s pen? Get out. The tiger’s hungry.”
"Will you be okay carrying that?” A passing fool asks. This tiger lifts 25kg with his front paws, 30 times in a row and 50kg (50!!!) with his mighty back paws. You know nothing of his strength.
“Will you be able to get that data to me this week?” More inane questions. This is a tiger who can do almost a full 40 minutes of cardiovascular activity. Have you not seen his grace in Monday’s Beginners Pilates Class? You would dare make such menial requests of him? Look at my tiny gym socks and know who you have offended.
The rage subsides.
The tiger demands more changes and I find my world view slowly shifting (I must buy a vest, tigers don’t wear sleeves). At present I am only able to kick metaphorical sand in peoples’ faces but I look forward to the weather improving and getting to the beach.
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